Damn straight I'm a liberal. Why aren't you?

I read an excellent political taxonomy a long time ago. Unfortunately I don't remember where - might have been buried in the middle of a Gabriel Garcia Marquez novel - and it didn't make much of an impression on me at the time. I've been thinking about it recently, though...

As I recall, the taxonomy broke down like this:
- Conservatives believe that the status quo is perfect, with any and all inequalities built into it. If the poor are miserable, it's because they deserve to be; if the rich wield absolute power, it's because they earned it. Anyone who wants to make the slightest change is dangerous and must be stopped.

- Radicals (aka Revolutionaries) believe that the current system is inherently corrupt and unjust. Bloody revolution and overthrow is the only salvation for mankind. If the poor are content to live under the current system, then things must be made intolerable until the masses rise up.

- Liberals generally believe that the system they live under is imperfect, but perfectible. There may be injustices built into society, but they can be addressed to make "a more perfect Union." Needless to say, both Conservatives and Radicals despise Liberals.

Under this taxonomy - and it makes more sense than any other I've seen - I can't imagine myself as anything but a liberal. I wish that, just once, a candidate who's being called the "L word" by his (or her) opponent would have the guts - and the nous - to say "Damn straight I'm a liberal. Why aren't you?"

Elemental causes?

Likely source of my headache: although Wind and Fire have died down, there's still too much Earth and not enough Water in the air.

Torture porn

Can somebody PLEASE explain to me the appeal of torture movies? We're watching "Notting Hill" on TV - a freakin' romantic comedy, for heaven's sake - and there have been ads for "The Strangers" on DVD and "Saw V" opening on Friday. Saw V? As in freakin' FIVE? Are you joking me? Unbelievably, the Red Cross is promoting Saw V - if you give blood during (this month? this week? not sure) you can get a $2 coupon to go see this abomination.

Again, if anyone ever reads this, please fill me in on any possible reasons a sane human being would pay good money to watch this stuff.

Another bad ad, though (slightly) out of date now...

Washington Mutual - "We won't nickel and dime you."

Oh hells no. They went for the whole @#$%^%.

Worst ad copy EVAH?

"Just because you have insurance, doesn't mean you're covered. That's Allstate's stand."

Good Lord, do they listen to themselves?

Late already

Wow, that didn't take long! It's after midnight, so on the very first day after my quiet announcement I've already missed my resolution to post at least once a day. And I'm very close to breaking my resolution to have something to say each time - not to blog for the sake of blogging.

Today's political thought: If your mind can be made up by a 30-second political spot, you are not a serious person, and I don't want the decision of who's going to run my country to be in your hands - you're like that jury in Australia who were playing sudoku during testimony. If that's you, then whether you're (notionally) a Democrat or a Republican, please just stay home on voting day, OK? I have a theory that if the people who fall for lying attack ads were removed from the equation - if the campaigns suddenly found that dirty tricks no longer brought in votes - then most of the dirty money in our current system would dry up.

Of course, it's possible that without the enormous amounts that both parties are spending on media buys, the last remaining prop would be kicked out from under our suffering economy. In that case... bring on the Swift Boats, I guess?

Good intentions

Today, October 14 2008, I have decided to finally buckle down to blogging discipline. I've thought of myself as a (frustrated) writer for years, but haven't been writing. I don't know whether I'll have an audience here, and that's not even the most important thing: from now on I'll be writing at least one post a day. The discipline and the practice can't help but improve my craft, even if no-one ever reads this.

So what's going to be here? A miscellany, what else? So far it's just jokes; any jokes I post will be ones that I made up myself - I can't promise that nobody else thought of them first, but I will promise that I've never heard them. Essays: political, philosophical, humorous... Recipes, maybe. Very short fiction, or a serial? Don't know yet.
I'll try, anyway, to always have some point - I read too many one-sentence blog posts that feel like total wastes of time.

The thing between

Little Johnny is in sex ed class.
He raises his hand: "Teacher, I'm confused - the testes and the prostate, are they the same thing?"
"No, Johnny... there's a vas deferens between them."

The underwear question, resolved?

A few months ago, when Barack Obama clarified that Michelle had never used the word "whitey", it occurred to me: was this his campaign's preemptive answer to "Boxers or Briefs?"

Podiatric penicillin?

Have you heard about the new Progresso Pedicure?
They're calling it "Chicken Soup for the Sole"...